Resolving the Past

When he entered his teen years he began drinking, drugs, and homosexual behavior. He left home and nearly destroyed himself.

Fortunately he got into a Christian drug rehabilitation program where he found Christ as his Lord and Savior. The drinking and drug use stopped, but when he got out of the program he found his homosexual problem persisted.

Knowing God wanted him free of this, he moved back home. His father had passed away so he lived with his mother. He read anything he could find that would help him get free and one of the books he read mentioned HA. He contacted the office, started attending meetings, stopped acting out, and had such a good recovery that he came to work of HA. He is now its coordinator.

Some time ago he went to a seminar at which it was suggested that he write two letters to his deceased father, one as a little boy and one as a grown man. After the letters were written, he was to visit his father’s grave and read them aloud.

Writing the letters was the easy part. For some reason, however, he kept putting off the visit to his father’s grave and the reading of the letters at the grave.
Then his mother passed away and he determined that as he went to her funeral he would read the letters over his father’s grave.

He did so and found it wonderfully healing. The fear, the anger, the unresolved conflicts seemed to melt away and he is exceedingly grateful that he took this step.

Here is the letter he wrote to his father as a grown man, which he has given me permission to share with you:

“Dear Dad,

“I am going to tell you things that would have shocked you if you were alive today.

“After I ran away from you and mom in 1986, I pursued a homosexual lifestyle. I believed that I was born this way, and I was never taught by you or anyone else that it was wrong. After more than a decade of living this lifestyle, I realized that I was looking for the love and affirmation from a man that I should have gotten from you when I was growing up.
“I was a little boy inside an adult body looking for a man to love me and it turned into homosexuality.

“I know if you were alive today, you would not understand. I spent more years than I ever wanted to in that life and it stole so much of who I was while in it. I never wanted you to know about any of this because I was ashamed.

“I was devastated when you passed away while I was living in California. I mourned your death, but I was angry and hurt.

“I am angry.

“I am angry that you did not give me the love and affirmation that I needed to grow into a mature man.

“I am angry that you did not bring me into manhood like you did my older brothers.

“I am angry that you rejected me and I in turn rejected myself.

“I am angry that you wounded me with harsh words and negativity.

“I am angry that you never told me about sex.

“I am hurt.

“I am hurt that you did not recognize me as your son and call me into manhood.

“I am hurt that you didn’t give me what I needed.

“I am hurt that you never held me, talked with me, or paid attention to me.

“I am hurt that you didn’t think that I was important and that I mattered to you.

“I am hurt that you rejected me and abandoned me when I needed you most in my life.


“I forgive.

“However, Dad, I forgive you for all things that you did not do for me that I needed. I do love you and forgive you and I pray that you are in heaven with Jesus.

“Dad, I am grateful that I had you for a dad and that I even had a dad when many kids grow up without one. I understand that you did not get the love from your dad that you needed, and I have learned in my life that you cannot give something to someone that you do not have. I am sorry that you did not get that from your dad. I am sorry that you suffered that rejection and abandonment.

“Dad, forgive me for not being the son that I could had been and forgive me from running away and leaving you and mom without an explanation. Forgive me, dad, for not calling you more often. I am sorry I hurt you.

“Dad, I am no longer a homosexual. I found the way out through Jesus Christ and I returned home back in 1997. I have been sanctified, justified, and redeemed in the blood of Jesus Christ. I am a new creation in Christ Jesus (II Corinthians 5:17) and God, my Father in heaven, is shaping, molding, correcting, and disciplining me into the man of God He wants me to be and that I want to be.

“Rest in peace, dad. I hope I see you in Heaven.

“Love, your son,

“David.”

If your same-sex parent has died or if, for whatever reason, you cannot tell them what is in your heart, why not consider doing as David did.

When I was in recovery I had a similar assignment and, after writing the letter, I prayed and asked God, if He wanted to, to carry its message to my father. Like David, I found this to be a great help and think you will too.

May the Lord guide you and enable you to find His freedom from past hurts and the hidden hostility they generate.